“We are willing to go out of our way to say yes, because saying no comes so hard for us.”
—Vanessa Patrick
BRAIN WAVES
I disagree. Fighting in front of children is never a good thing. But a healthy, respectful debate might not be all bad. Psychologist (and former Hidden Brain guest) Adam Grant argues that growing up with productive conflict can help kids be more creative. How so? “Instead of just defaulting or deferring to whatever an authority figure tells you, you realize, ‘Well, there are two different authority figures ... and they don’t agree,” Grant said in an interview with Trevor Noah. Constructive disagreements can encourage cognitive complexity. They can also “lead to more courage when it comes to challenging the status quo because there’s not just one right answer,” Grant said.
Once upon a time... Stories are powerful, and a new paper argues that for some groups, they can even boost mental or emotional growth. Intergenerational stories — that is, stories passed down from elders to youth — are especially important for marginalized people, the researchers write, “because stories provide a developmental resource for resistance and resilience in the face of injustice.” Researchers looked at the LGBTQA+ community as a case study and found that hearing stories from older members of the community about their lived experiences was beneficial for younger members. Many of the participants they interviewed reported learning lessons about gratitude and sacrifice from these stories (“I realized how lucky I am to live during a time when the LGBTQ community has come so far in gaining equal rights and acceptance.”) Stories help us make sense of the world around us, and for marginalized groups, they can also offer a needed sense of safety and belonging.
Time to shine. Many of us feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day. We struggle to make time for all the competing demands at work and at home, and inevitably feel like we’re letting someone down. But what if there were a way to reclaim our time and, as a result, get more joy out of our lives? Listen to learn more.
ON THE HIDDEN BRAIN PODCAST
You 2.0: How To Say No: Saying no to someone who asks for something is often easier said than done. Maybe it’s a boss who wants you to take on a new assignment. Or your kid’s teacher, seeking volunteers for a field trip. Or a friend who asks you to lend her money. How should we respond to these demands on our time, energy, and resources? This week, psychologist Vanessa Patrick explores why it’s so hard to say no, and how we can set boundaries that will make it easier to do so.
ON THE MY UNSUNG HERO PODCAST
Janet Kahn—Scolaro’s Story: Janet's sister, Susan, was diagnosed with terminal cancer, and unable to attend her daughter's high school graduation. Then the hospital staff came up with a plan.
Don’t forget to send us the story of your unsung hero! Record a voice memo on your phone and email it to myunsunghero@hiddenbrain.org.
HIDDEN BRAIN+ HAS EXPANDED!
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MIND GAMES
If you multiply this number by any other number, the answer will always be the same. What number is this?
LAST WEEK’S PUZZLE
When you stop to look, you can always see me. But if you try to touch me, you can never feel me. Although you walk towards me, I remain the same distance from you. What am I?
Answer: the horizon
A MOMENT OF JOY
Have an idea for Hidden Brain? A story you want to share with us? Send an email to ideas@hiddenbrain.org. Listen to us on Spotify, Apple, Amazon Music or your favorite podcast platform.