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The gift of spending time alone
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The gift of spending time alone

Plus, when boredom backfires

Jan 19, 2022
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The gift of spending time alone
news.hiddenbrain.org
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“In the world we live in now, with all the stresses and tensions that we have, there's more and more of a need to get connected with other people. And part of that connection involves the sense of really understanding where people are coming from.” —Psychologist Harry Reis

  • Alone Again (Finally). It’s great to spend quality time with your partner, but spending time apart can be good for your relationship, too. Psychologist Robert Coplan studies the concept of “aloneliness,” which he describes as “the negative feelings that arise from not spending enough time alone.” Not all solitude is the same, he says, and sometimes being alone can be good for us. “It can help with self-understanding, serve as a context for restoration, and promote creativity.” It seems counterintuitive to talk about the need for solitude when we’ve been spending so much time at home, and certainly the pandemic has made many people crave time with others more than ever. But if you live with someone else, and spend all of your time with them, some time apart might be good for your relationship, argues writer Jancee Dunn in the New York Times. Dunn wonders what it would look like if couples framed this time apart as a gift — an opportunity to recharge, give each other space, and indulge in aloneliness. “A gift of free time can range from a night with friends to having your partner take the kids to the park on a Saturday afternoon,” Dunn writes, “so you can enjoy a deliciously empty house.”

  • Why cats push things off tables. Boredom has its benefits, but it can also bring out bad behavior. Some research suggests it makes us more sadistic. In a series of studies published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, researchers found a link between high levels of boredom and sadism — that is, finding pleasure in hurting or humiliating others. Soldiers, for instance, were more likely to make jokes at each others’ expense (or even physically hurt each other) when they reported feeling bored. And bored parents were more likely to tease their children. “When there is no alternative, boredom increases sadistic behavior across the board, even among individuals low in dispositional sadism,” the researchers write. We can’t help but wonder how bored the person who built this must have been. 

  • We’ve grown accustomed to viewing climate change as an enemy we must urgently defeat. But is that the right metaphor for the greatest existential problem of our time? How to reframe the way we think about life on a changing planet: Listen to learn more.

ON THE HIDDEN BRAIN PODCAST

Jan 17: A desire to be understood, to be seen for who we are, is a powerful driver of successful relationships. So why do so many of us regularly keep our true selves hidden?

Jan 24: Life is filled with hardships and tragedies, and for thousands of years, philosophers have come up with strategies to help us cope. We talk with philosopher William Irvine about ancient ideas — backed by modern psychology — that can help us manage disappointment and misfortune.

Listen on Apple

Listen on Spotify

ON THE MY UNSUNG HERO PODCAST

Jan 20: Betsy Cox was a new mom having a bad day — everything felt like a struggle. But a kind stranger at the grocery store offered a few simple words that Betsy will always remember. 

Listen on Apple

Listen on Spotify

Don’t forget to send us the story of your unsung hero! Record a voice memo on your phone and email it to myunsunghero@hiddenbrain.org.


A NOTE FROM THIS WEEK’S SPONSOR

frank 2022. A gathering for social change communicators.

Join other changemakers working on the forefront of today's most pressing issues to explore how stories have the power to influence the issues you care about most. Happening online—frank is a gathering of communicators, scholars, and activists building the world we wish existed. bit.ly/3IMczJT


MIND GAMES

A man fell off a 20-foot ladder but did not get hurt. Why not?

LAST WEEK’S PUZZLE

There are two ducks in front of a duck, two ducks behind a duck and a duck in the middle. How many ducks are there?

The answer: Three. Two ducks are in front of the last duck. The first duck has two ducks behind it, and one duck is between the other two.

FROM THE TWITTERATI…

Twitter avatar for @KarenAttiah
Karen Attiah @KarenAttiah
"Hopelessness is a luxury. It's not an option for people working hard in this space. Hopelessness is the end of the work--- and we are just at the beginning." -@DrPhilGoff on this interesting @HiddenBrain episode on racism and policing:
hiddenbrain.orgChanging Behavior, Not Beliefs | Hidden Brain MediaThe rift between police and Black Americans can feel impossible to bridge. But in his work with police departments across the U.S., Yale psychologist Phillip
8:44 PM ∙ Jan 12, 2022
43Likes12Retweets
Twitter avatar for @carolynhax
Carolyn Hax @carolynhax
Well geez, now I’m choked up again https://t.co/2UrwSNQiEs
Twitter avatar for @HiddenBrain
Hidden Brain @HiddenBrain
This week on My Unsung Hero, a story from Washington Post columnist @carolynhax. Some years ago, when her mom was dying, a distant colleague noticed her struggling at work and gently reached out to help. https://t.co/hd6zcYpwOZ https://t.co/ICNnHlH7vK
9:01 PM ∙ Jan 13, 2022
Twitter avatar for @bethany19930
Farm Mom @bethany19930
@HiddenBrain @carolynhax And I ❤️ Carolyn Hax’s advice column. This podcast episode was wonderful and it was great to actually hear Carolyn’s voice.
4:01 PM ∙ Jan 17, 2022

A MOMENT OF JOY

With dance moves like this, boredom is never a problem.

Have an idea for Hidden Brain? A story you want to share with us? Send an email to ideas@hiddenbrain.org. And if you’d like to support our work, you can do so here. Listen to us on Spotify, Apple, Amazon Music or your favorite podcast platform.

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