A simple exercise to heal relationship spats
“A ‘stop doing list’ is essentially the same as a to-do list, except you're thinking of things that you're not going to do anymore.” — Leidy Klotz
BRAIN WAVES
Conflict resolution. Conflict is an inevitable part of even the best relationships. And once a fight is over, most of us don't like to look back and dwell on what happened. But doing so might help us to navigate future conflicts. A new study found that taking a few minutes to reflect objectively on the fight can help strengthen your relationship. In an experiment, researchers had couples think back on a recent argument, asking them how they felt about the conflict both before and after an intervention. One intervention involved thoughtfully reflecting on the conflict – why it happened, how conflicts should be handled, and how to handle them in the future. A control group’s task was to complete a personality questionnaire. People who took part in the reflection exercise felt better about the conflict overall. “We showed that this kind of constructive reflection on a past conflict decreased their distress about it and made them feel more confident about their ability to handle future conflicts,” co-author Denis Marigold told PsyPost. The study echoes the classic relationship advice to think of conflict as “us versus the problem” rather than “me versus you.”
Bird brained. Crows are smart, but who knew they could count? Scientists had suspected that some animals have the ability to count using vocalizations. But until now, they lacked evidence to support this idea. That is, until last week, when new research published in Science found that crows can count using a method that’s similar to that used by human toddlers. Rather than using symbolic counting, which is the way adult humans count, crows match their vocalizations to cues, the same way a toddler might look at three toy trucks and say “one, two, one.” Toddlers don’t quite understand that the word “three” represents, well, three, but they know that the number of vocalizations they make matches the number of trucks they see. In the study, scientists tested this same ability in crows. They presented the birds with both visual and auditory cues — colored numbers on a screen or a short guitar chord and drum roll. The birds had to figure out the right number of calls to pair with each cue, and if they succeeded, they were rewarded with food. “After receiving between 166 and 189 training sessions, all of the crows were able to produce the correct number of vocalizations associated with the cues at a level higher than chance,” Scientific American reported. Lead author Diana Liao told them, “We think this is the first time this has been shown for any animal species.”
Grow with it. You may have heard of the growth mindset – the idea that people can change, learn, and improve. How can we create environments that better foster that growth? Listen to learn more.
ON THE HIDDEN BRAIN PODCAST
Innovation 2.0: Do Less: The human drive to invent new things has led to pathbreaking achievements in medicine, science and society. But our desire for innovation can keep us from seeing one of the most powerful paths to progress: subtraction. Engineer Leidy Klotz says sometimes the best way forward involves removing, streamlining and simplifying things.
ON THE MY UNSUNG HERO PODCAST
Mary Fran Lyons’ Story: Not long after chemotherapy for ovarian cancer, Mary Fran was walking through a mall, self-conscious about her wig. Then a stranger came up and told her something that gave her hope.
Don’t forget to send us the story of your unsung hero! Record a voice memo on your phone and email it to myunsunghero@hiddenbrain.org.
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MIND GAMES
Forward, I am heavy; backward, I am not. What am I?
LAST WEEK’S PUZZLE
Alice lives in a one-story house where everything is green. The carpet is green, the tile is green, and the cabinets are green. What color are the stairs?
Answer: There are no stairs. The house is one-story.
A MOMENT OF JOY
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